New Outlook on Romantic Relationships

Relationships are dynamic, and I keep learning this.

In my head I used to think that as long as I meet and stick with a core group of individuals, in a static fashion, everything would be smooth sailing. In that sense I figured that once someone is part of my core group, they will always be part of my core group, and the magnitude of my feelings towards them wouldn’t change (and if they did, it would obviously be positive because there’s no such thing as beef in my core group).

However, now I understand why I’ve been told that timing is a huge factor in relationships and all of life. I think back to my first few years in university and realize how my relationships have transformed: Remembering #1 Brazilian and how I was so certain that the universe was telling us to get together; connecting with potential hubby and during those moments being absolutely sure that in the short time we dated (though it felt like much longer), I could see myself with him forever; also not forgetting heartbreaker and our undeniable chemistry, thinking he was my redeemer after what felt like hell.

Now I no longer believe in the concept of having one soulmate, or “the one”. In high school people kept telling me that in university, my single days would end because of the “type” of person I am – intelligent, studious, kindhearted. Many even suggested that I’ll find my future husband by the time I graduate (scary!)! They were correct on the former as  I was lucky to have had experienced love at certain points. But during those relationships, and after they ended, my mentality shifted.

In regards to timing, in retrospect these guys entered my life at optimal times because I feel I have, for the most part, “bounced back,” and have reached a level of receptivity where I can really look at all aspects of my relationships in a different way as opposed to being resentful and blameful.

A situation recently happened in my life which has inspired me to write this. I re-connected with a good friend of mine from at least a decade ago, we will refer to him as manly beast. A bit of our history is that I used to annoy him when we were younger, as I had a MASSIVE crush on him and was persistent in obtaining his attention – trying to get him to open up and talk to me in his own way (ie. making fun of me). Then we went to different high schools, lost touch, but re-connected through msn (does anyone still use that? I sure don’t anymore). Manly beast was actually my first kiss, but I don’t know how we lost touch again. Then, we re-connected through facebook, had a few on/off conversations, and then saw each other again this year. It was nice to be in his company again, I didn’t feel like that much time had passed.

Anyways, that got me thinking about how people enter our lives, leave our lives, and re-enter our lives. We never completely know what’s in store. So what I took from this experience is that each relationship is different, yet resemble one another in certain elements. When dating potential hubby, I felt strongly for the time being, then that faded, especially after heartbreaker entered my life. The feelings for heartbreaker still linger, but they are fading, and seeing manly beast definitely fast-forwarded the healing time on that one! (The last time I had seen manly beast was about 6-7 years ago, but after spending 10 minutes with him, the feelings of the massive crush returned quickly, I couldn’t even stop smiling!)

All of my relationships are similar in that I’ve had strong feelings for each of these individuals, the timing just differed, along with the magnitude of attraction. This is what has caused me to believe that having one soulmate is unrealistic and close-minded, and other factors, such as time, play a major role in the potential of what will happen next.